Are Fathers going Farther?

Last year I received a self made card from my second son Ankith for FATHERS DAY. It said “HAPPY FARTHERS DAY!” Though it was his cute English spelling for “father”, I thought it has deeper implication for many fathers who are going farther away from their children. Fathers who have got glued to their jobs, their professions, ministries are going farther away from their children without their own knowledge. Ankith s card prompted me to think as to how I could prevent going farther away from my children.

Many children are more attached to their mothers than fathers especially when they are growing up.This could be because fathers are seldom there for their needs. Unbalanced homes produce unbalanced children. In homes where single mothers or dad’s bring up their kids, children grow up with a one sided influence. As much as mothers, fathers also play a vital role in the formation stage of children’s character. Children’s understanding of God as their heavenly father can be best understood by the way fathers behave towards their children. In a teen’s camp, when I shared from the story of the prodigal son about the father’s love, a girl confided that she cannot relate to God as her father because her father constantly abused her sexually when she was a child. Our kid’s view of God as their heavenly father can be damaged and affected if we do not portray good fatherly model. The best model to be a father is to imitate our heavenly father.  I have made an acronym for the word F-A-T-H-E-R to help us to be “father” and not go “Farther” away from our children.

F -Friend: Traditionally fathers in India are seen as the High voltage power supply transformers where children operate from a safe distance. They do not dare to even see into the eyes of their fathers. This distance is gradually created by dads as many dads leave parenting to mothers. But fathers should intentionally bring them close by becoming a friend to them. Our heavenly father did not want to distant himself with us that he called us his ‘friends” (John 15:15). Friendship is developed when we become open and transparent with our children. Now, this openness should increase as our children grow up and should be appropriate to their age.

A -Affectionate: Many fathers are poor in showing their affection to their children. It’s often the mothers who show affection. The word affection means to “draw oneself close.”  A fond affection needs to be expressed in an intentional way to our children. A child is often cuddled and kissed so much when they are young, but as they grow up we reduce our display of affection. A research showed, girls who went into sexual immorality complained they never remember their fathers kissing them. Appropriate display of affection at every age is necessary in order to keep our children from slipping away from us.

T -Time: An advertisement I watched of a sports news paper had an interesting clip. A child screams as he is waking up, when he sees his father sitting by his bedside. The father soon realizes the reason and he hides his face with the sports news paper. That is when the child recognized his father. Though the advertisement is little exaggerated, it’s the reality of many homes. Many fathers hardly get to see their children because of their career demands and they fail to impact their children in their growing years. There is no short cut to impacting our children. As fathers we need to schedule a time every week in our busy schedules to be at home and spend quality time with kids. Their important dates and events needs to be remembered. Our heavenly father always has time for us when we call to Him. If we model Him, we need to spend adequate time with our kids before they grow up and leave our homes.

H -Holy: Fathers have a spiritual role to play in bringing their children to the Lord. Fathers as the head of the family should live by Godly standards. A father cannot live ungodly life and expect his child to be holy. Holy life style is a must for a father who imitates God as his father. Holiness is a must to see God. This is only possible for fathers who have surrendered their lives to Jesus Christ. St. Augustine when he recollects his childhood describes how his father gave him everything except what was needed for eternity. How much have we cared for the spiritual life of our children? How much have we shown by our own life? How much time have we spent with our children to care for their spiritual growth?

E -Encourager: I was wondering as to why St. Paul specifically advices dads not to provoke their children. I think dads have a way of provoking their children when their egos are kindled. An easy way to solve problems for a dad is to use power and authority. Often fathers try it with their sons more often than with their daughters. The Bible reminds us” As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him” (Ps 103:13). The father is called to show compassion and be an encourager even when they fail. Today’s kids are appreciated and encouraged only when they perform well. They don’t need encouragement when the world is encouraging them; they need it all the more when the world is throwing mud at them. Pressures to perform have made many kids go through depression and they need parental encouragement. Have you ignored encouraging your kids, dad?

R -Respects: Respecting our children is as important as expecting them to respect us. The respect we gain as fathers is not based on the distance that we create with our children but it is based on the respect that we have for them, their desires and their likes and dislikes. To treat them with dignity as the one given by God to us is important. Dads by the natural role vested upon them as the head of the family by God, should bring regulations and rules to the family. I remember the time when my dad used to come back from his work when we were kids. The whole house will come to order when its time for him to return back from work. Though operating in fear is not always the best model for children, healthy discipline for the family needs to be implemented. Dads who neglect to bring order in their own homes are not called to bring order in the house of God. Our heavenly father treats us with respect though He disciplines us and brings order into our lives. Do we respect our kids? Have we expected them to respect us when we have not respected their likes, dislikes, friends etc?

May God help me and all fathers to be the father that God wants us to be and avoid getting farther away from our children!